Just between us,
I use to be as cautious as you once were.
However, trembling hands are becoming,
reliable as the branches of your tree.
Just between us,
I use to be as anxious as you once were.
However, my happiness is becoming,
reliable as the wings that set you free.
Just between us,
I use to be as impulsive as you once were.
However, my needs are becoming,
reliable as the seeds you foresee.
Just between us,
I use to be as secretive as you once were.
However, the long secretive numbing,
reliable secrets are gone, finally I’m free.
Linking with the Sunday Muse
Photo source/Sunday muse
Love the repeating line and wisdom that has grown throughout the lines! The tree and bird references are wonderful! I love love love this Vicki!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Carrie. This was a challenging prompt, but I enjoyed the challenge and had fun writing it. :)
DeleteI love this! The repetition adds to the magic and allure of the poem. Especially this: "trembling hands are becoming, reliable as the branches of your tree".. is beautiful!💞
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sanaa. Happy you stopped by and enjoyed it.
DeleteWonderful bond you create with those repetition... the variation makes it richer.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much.
DeleteAh, the refrain is perfect for the stanzas and the repetition of structure gives it a nice rhythm.
ReplyDeleteA lovely verse, Vicki. Happiness becoming reliable like the wings is a comforting thought.
-HA
Thank you, Ha.
DeleteHow delightful! I love that you let the picture suggest you are whispering confidences to the bird. A lovely sustained metaphor.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Rosemary.
Deletethe repetition is fascinating and really works here - and what strikes me even more so, is the quiet certainty in the voice, as this silent conversation is unfolding, between "me" and "you" - because well, truthfully, you have to stop several times and realize you keep using the word "your" in the last lines of each stanza - and the counterpoint of what comes before and ends within each grouping is so subtle - it IS so very subtle, and rather unexpected - which leads me to say, wow - this really isn't at all what it seems to be on the surface - how refreshing and definitely very powerful for the nuances in the writing, and the actual statements.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Pat! I'm happy you enjoyed it.
DeleteThis is beautiful. The repetition brings it home.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Susie.
DeleteThe repetition is quite well done. There's such a sweetness in this piece that makes it quite charming too.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Rommy.
DeleteI like rhythm, rhyme, & repetition too...
ReplyDeleteThank you, Priscilla.
DeleteLovely rhythm & such a strong & calm statement of being :)
ReplyDeleteThank you.
Delete